the jungle

ok I don't have too much energy, so I'm not going to write too much tonight. And anything I DID have left has been zapped by hour long work arguments and a glass of Williamsburg Wine. But, I do have some comments right now on men, so I am going to post them and post them honestly (probably way more honestly than I normally do-- blame it on the wine even though it was only one glass!) If you happen to be male, please comment, because I would like your perspective! I know most of you that read everyday and that my loyal readers are female (the Internet is a wonderful thing), but hey we'll see.

ok, so, I am a 24 year old who is currently single. And, although I'm not going crazy, I am looking. I mean, we can all say it's fun to be single, and while it sometimes is, especially because I am such an independent person, it is also fun to be with someone. I mean c'mon-- besides the obvious (SEX!), it's just nice to have someone around, whether it's companionship, something to do, or whatever. Well, I got out of a relationship early this year, and even though it wasn't anything really serious, I thought it was time to take a break and have some fun. So, I went out. a lot. This summer, in fact, was one of the best ever. And among all the new places and people, I met a lot of new guys. Now maybe they were better than I give them credit for, I don't know. The problem, though, is that either one of us wasn't sober when we met, or I knew that it wasn't the kind of guy I would ever have a relationship with, so it was pretty much just a good time.

But, that all got old. For one, I am sick of drinking. Now I should say before anyone new gets the wrong idea about me-- I am definitely not some big drunk or party girl. I just like to go out every now and then and have fun with my friends. But, I am out of college now. I am just pretty much over drinking to drink or whatever. I would much rather just sit around with friends and do something fun and have some wine along with it. But I digress. Aaaaanyway, I also have never been or will ever be a one night stand kind of girl. SO, since we've ruled out alcohol and bar boys (since they are mostly one night stand kind of guys-- I can't tell you how many guys have invited me home and I don't think that's a compliment!), it gets a little frustrating to try and meet people. Plus, We are DEFINITELY ruling out work for professional reasons. And, although I'm involved in a lot of outside activities, there has yet to even be a single guy my age to consider! So, it's hard to meet decent men.

Well, I did finally manage to meet someone, and he seems great, right? Young engineer, responsible, funny, some common interests... well we had our first real conversation tonight beyond the compulsory stuff. So we talk for almost an hour about all sorts of stuff, and then we hang up and go our separate ways. Well, with most of you if I hung up the phone I'd probably say "love ya hon" or "see you tomorrow" or something like that. But what do you say to someone you don't know? "ummmm nice talking to you" (?!) Well, even if you get through the call ending and you figure it out, then you wonder if he'll call again. It's almost like the will he or won't he kiss me on the first date, only we haven't even gotten there yet! Was there any chemistry? Should I really be expecting chemistry on a phone call?! Now, all girls overanalyze. Guys probably get off the phones and think, "ok, time to go eat." Girls think about everything and wonder what could've gone differently. or what this means, even though it really means nothing at all-- it was one phone call.

Now, I should say before I go any further and before I get comments, yes I have heard all about the book He's Just Not That Into You. But let me also tell you, and no offense to those of you that agree with Oprah and think it's the best thing since sliced bread, that I am kind of sick of it. I think there are definitely good things to come out of it; I think a woman should always be self-confident and not rely on men for her happiness, and being able to recognize the signs that something is over or not worth it is always valuable. and I think I could've used some lessons at various points in my life I'm sure. However, like any craze (hello can you say Atkins), I have also already seen it be taken waaaaay too far. And I very quickly get sick of crazes. sorry.

So after getting off the phone with my new engineer friend, I did have a lot of thoughts running through my head (and none of them were about my next meal!). I wondered first and foremost if he'd call, but I also started analyzing the things I knew about the two of us, and of course me specifically. For instance, could I deal with the fact that he got rejected from my alma mater? Could he deal with the fact that I am successful in the corporate world and have my own career and then some? Could I deal with his not having the same suburbian background as me? Could he deal with my having a nicer car than him? :Þ Maybe these are stupid questions, especially since I barely know this guy and am certainly not already considering some serious future with him! But, I think for a girl it's natural (girls, feel free to pipe in!)

So, there are many possibilities in this situation; maybe he calls, maybe he doesn't. maybe it turns into something, maybe it doesn't. But, say we go out. And then not only do I have to worry again if he'll call (or I'll call or whatever depending on how old fashioned you are), but then I also have to wonder, if we start dating, what we're moving towards. Then-- is he my boyfriend? are we exclusive? what is he even looking for? and what do I even want out of this? And from there we go into, are we moving too fast? am I in love? where are we going? is it too soon to even wonder about the future? and so on and so on... my point here is, the dating world is just one constant question!!!! I have come to the conclusion that it is just one big game, and I'm not sure how to win! And I always win! I can't break my streak! :Þ Is anyone else as frustrated as I am? Or, am I just being crazier than I need to? I mean, my job essentially is dealing with people everyday. And I think I am at least somewhat good at what I do. And ironically, I have recently noticed that I get along much better with my male peers than my female ones. hmmm. Okay again, sorry-- back to the point.

Again, please don't get the wrong impression-- I am not sitting around being obsessed with this, but I think all of you single girls out there my age will agree- the dating world is a jungle! So my question to all of you is: is it eat or be eaten? or is it only the strong survive? or is it some other random cliche I can't think of that may apply here? :)

basically, what can us 20-somethings do to get out alive?

oh, and I lied. I had more to say than I thought :) sorry this got so ridiculously long!!!!
and congrats if you actually made it this far!