Me vs. the DMV

Well, I'm sure you'd all agree that the DMV is evil. But, since my license expired, I had to take them on. After I was suprised by almost not getting through security in the Dallas airport (helps to have a valid I.D.-- mine apparently had expired while I was away), I figured it was important to clear up ASAP! First, though let me give you some background information:

It is a law in Virginia that you must notify the DMV of an address change within 30 days. believe me, I know-- I read the manual (explained later). but anyway, within that 30 days of changing my address by ONE STINKING NUMBER (I only moved 5 doors down), I bought my car. And when the dealership had an issue with the DMV having a different address than I had given them, I assured them that they were correct and my car needed to be registered to 3618. Thinking everything was fine with DMV, I went about my life. But, apparently registering a car and changing your address with the post office are not enough. Below is that battle that has ensued...

TRIP TO THE DMV #1:

I decided I wanted new plates, because the novelty of vanity plates has worn off. So, I go to the DMV on a day off. I wait... and wait. And when I get to the counter, the guy tells me he can't process it because I owe taxes to Virginia Beach. I am not sure how, and tell him I paid my taxes last year. Not so he says and gives me a number to call. I leave with no new plates.

SCORE: Me- 0, DMV- 1.

TRIP TO THE DMV #2:

I call the number, and they tell me somehow I owe $400 in personal property taxes after late fees. Now, I promise you-- had I known about that tax, I certainly would NOT have been shocked to owe over $200 for my car this year. Amazing. I had thought it was weird to still pay on my Sentra last year... I really think I was charged twice! but anyway, the woman on the phone does not believe me that I didn't know (I did after all get this year's bill-- I do sometimes get mail to my old address, I guess if the mailman goes by my name... but all this makes me wonder how much I DON'T get b/c this is not the first problem!)

Anyway, I pay. I wait til the check clears and go back to the DMV. I wait... again. I get a new guy this time, who is about to give me new plates. Then he tells me no go-- I still owe taxes. NOT SO I say. I was smart. I printed the cleared check. No, he says-- you owe taxes to Stafford County. Now I DID know Stafford was trying to collect taxes previously. They actually billed me for 2004, when I clearly had moved and didn't owe anything. I got mail from them at my old address. I responded with an explanation and the dates I had changed my address with DMV. Since I did not hear back, I assumed it was taken care of. (I am bad at remembering to follow up on shit like this!) Apparently it was not. Again, I leave the DMV with no plates. I do, though, FINALLY get my address corrected (and I'm giving myself half a point for that!)

SCORE: Me-.5, DMV-2.

So I called Stafford County, finally spoke to someone helpful who assured me they now have the correct address (turns out they had apparently tried to bill me for 2005 too!), paid whatever I did or didn't owe so I could move on with this. all okay.

INTERNET ATTEMPT #1:

woo! finally all taken care of! I go online, thinking I can pay there now and renew. Not so. Because Delaware cops and I don't get along (damn 2 tickets! the 2nd was SO unfair!), I have to retake the knowledge test to have a license again! So, still no license.

SCORE: Me- .5, DMV- 3.

TRIP TO THE DMV #3

Since the Internet was a no go, I take time off from work and hit up the DMV first thing in the morning. the woman at the counter on the way in gives me a VERY hard time, because now that my license is expired, I have to have proof of identity. Doesn't matter that I've held a license of 9 years in the U.S. AND have my social security card-- I have to have a raised seal birth certificate or a passport.

I visit the woman at the counter anyway, who tells me that she will do what she can to help. She says if they have a birth certificate on file, that will suffice. But, she checks and says "the system won't let her go any further" (I was skeptical-- we so use that at work), and apologizes profusely. She tells me not to worry and just be careful so I don't get pulled over. And, she does not get my half joke that I'm not worried because I only apparently speed in Delaware. I leave. But, I finally get my plates!

SCORE: Me- 1.5, DMV- 4.

TRIP TO THE DMV #4:

Called Dad right after the last DMV trip. He can tell right away I'm upset. He drives 45 each minutes each way home from work at lunch to overnight me my passport. Gotta love dads. Take time off from work AGAIN today to get this taken care of. Package is waiting at home (woohoo!), so I head over to the DMV again. Wouldn't it figure I get the SAME woman out of the 11 options I could've gotten! So, she processes my license renewal. She remembers me. She has me all ready to go, when I see her write "BC on file" on my form. I say "HOLD UP! my birth certificate is on file?!" she says, "yes, it's in here... why?" I say "then WHY couldn't I do this yesterday?!" she looks at me like I'm speaking Russian. she clearly does not get it. She never even asks to see my passport. She sends me over to my test and asks if I'm okay like I'm 4 years old, and tells me not to worry, she's sure I'll do fine on the test. I wasn't worried, and now I am ANNOYED that I put my father through this, I wasted time off, and that this woman does not have a clue.

SCORE: Me- 1.5, DMV- 5.

I almost didn't find my station (she told me to go to #7, but the stations aren't even numbered!), but I pass the test because I kick ass! I also had quite a good laugh while taking it. My favorite question:

What is the best way to sober up quickly?
(a) Drink coffee
(b) Drink lots of water
(c) Take aspirin
(d) There is no way to sober up quickly.

I'm giving myself a point for getting it right :Þ

SCORE: Me- 2.5, DMV- 5.

So, I had to talk to 3 more people just to get this all done. Someone really needs to mad Six Sigma the DMV! hehehe. anyway, I go to get my picture taken, and when she tells me to smile, I decide I am NOT in a smiling mood. I decide my new mug shot license is a personal victory. AND I FINALLY got my license!

SCORE: Me 4.5, DMV- 5.

WINNER: DMV! it was close, though. I think I put up a damn good fight. Can't wait to do it all over again in 2010...