Wine, Yoga, and Why I'm Crazy

It's Friday night and I was not in the mood for an effort kind of night that involved loud music, dressing up, and Bar Norfolk in general, so I am here blogging. And I have to work at 6am tomorrow, so this is going to be a light night. A light night, though, can still be a good night! I plan to celebrate the almost end of the work week with one of my fave wines, some Sex & the City and Gilmore Girls fun, and maybe even a good old fashioned bubble bath. Not bad for low key, huh?

Anyway, I have made an important realization that I feel like I need to share with all of you in case you are faced with the same potentially soreness-causing trap that I encountered. It all started last night... I went to work, I did my random Wal-Mart shopping that had built up, and I was planning on doing my normal cardio at the gym and then vegging. All normal until Steph approached me-- would I like I like to go to yoga, she asked. Well... I had never taken yoga, and sorry Steph, but I NEVER WILL AGAIN! My body is certainly not made for yoga. First of all, I unfortunately have body fat. That apparently already disqualifies me, because when I lay back, my feet don't automatically fly backwards over my head. And really, why would I want them to anyway?! OUCH! How can anyone LIKE all that twisting? It's not natural! At one point after the instruction of a new position I even found myself exclaiming (luckily not very audibly), "you've got to be fucking kidding me!" yeah that pretty much sums it up. I also have no balance whatsoever. And although I am reasonably flexible, even I don't like doing that much stretching. After the class I suddenly felt the urge for a pretzel...

Now for the much deeper part of my yoga night (this is where the soul searching comes in) :Þ Besides the physical issues, I also learned that I do not have a yoga mind. First of all, I have absolutely no attention span for peace and quiet. It is virtually impossible for me to sit still that long without moving, especially if it involves darkness and trying to keep my eyes closed! I think the most important realization that I made about myself and yoga though was the last one I had, which after thinking about it I determined spans across much more in my life than just yoga: I have no idea how to relax. I really don't. And, I don't think I ever have or maybe ever will. Sure, I can sit around for a night and watch TV on my butt or something like that, but I can guarantee you that even then my mind is wandering all over the place-- I think about work and I think about people and I think about everything that needs to be done around my apartment and I think about bills... there's always something.

I think I might be way too high strung for my own good. Sure, I get teased because I walk faster than everyone else and I talk fast and move fast and do everything else I possibly can fast... but really I think that's because I just don't know how to slow down! I don't know how to live without stress and really honestly empty my mind and just be still. And I don't know how I got that way either except that my whole life has been jam packed with way more than should actually fit in it. But honestly, making this realization almost brought tears to my eyes in class, which is especially odd since I can't even remember the last time I really cried. and now I'm not quite sure what to do about it, if anything really does need to be done about it at all... like I wonder if I'd even be able to function if I even tried to take it slow... who knows.

But anyway, in reference to this, I also did some quote searching last night, and I found these and liked them so I thought I'd share. I don't know if they really make me feel better or kind of justifed or whatever, but I like them nonetheless. :)

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it." --Jane Wagner

"Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another." --Anatole France

"I've always got such high expectations for myself. I'm aware of them, but I can't relax them." --Mary Decker Stanley

"Try to relax and enjoy the crisis." --Ashleigh Brilliant

If you recognize the last author, it's probably because I often put up one of my favorite quotes: "My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot." Well, I looked up Ashleigh Brilliant and found out he is not the she that I originally thought, as well as that his website and the articles about him and his work are oddly interesting. Check it out here.

Okay anyway, now that that's all out of my system, I plan to enjoy the rest of my night, so I'm off to heat up some mac & cheese and to lay out my McNabb jersey to wear to work tomorrow :Þ Hope everyone has a great night and a great weekend!!!